Gabby Writes

It has been quite a year and there’s still a few months to go. I spent most of it pregnant and am now navigating how to be a mom.

I stopped doing things I love and didn’t even feel motivated to do them while I was pregnant. A lot of the time I was so paranoid about losing the baby. I finally had something good going on and kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which I’m sure I would not have been able to handle. I also think I became more depressed while pregnant since I’m feeling so much better now that I’m not.

Because of the said fear of losing the baby, I was terrified to do any exercise—even though I knew it was supposed to be good for me and the pregnancy. surely I would do something wrong and end up falling on my stomach or something. I have the motivation again and I’ve gotten back into doing pilates once a week. I used to go three times a week, but with Sonny existing and my husband working so much, one day a week is all I can manage right now. I’ve managed to do some short at home exercises this week, but Sonny is in that stage where he screams if he isn’t being held. So that’s stressed me a little. I want to start working toward losing weight and getting healthier again. I’ve weighed more than I want to for a few years now and I’m at risk for Type 2 Diabetes. That’s kind of the first step into being myself again after all this.

I used to read and write often. To be fair, me not doing so doesn’t fall solely on the pregnancy. When my mom was sick and ultimately died, I couldn’t be bothered or even focus enough to do these things. My dream for a long time has been to be a published author. You can’t reach that goal if you never write. Since Sonny has been home, I’ve wanted to write, but have been trying to figure out how to do when I have to have a baby attached to me most of the day. I think I have that figured out now especially since I’m not as sleep deprived anymore. I also think I have a plan to get my writing out there while I work on the process of trying to get published. I just have to finish writing first . . .

I think I also need to be more active on social media. You can apparently build up a reader base that way before you even get published. That would be nice. I hope I can even somehow figure out how to make money on social media. My husband is just doing so much right now—he’s working his full time job while starting a lawn care business with his cousin. He’s trying to get a part time job with benefits so he can eventually quit his full time job so he can balance better between work and the business for a while. He’s thinking about still keeping the full time job for some time if he gets the part time one, though. Having a child and starting a business costs a lot of money, and even though I stay home taking care of Sonny, I feel like I’m not pulling enough weight. If we get desperate, I can and will get a job, but there’s the figuring out what to do with the baby thing. I know there’s daycare or having a family member watch him, but either way would end up costing money, I think. We’d want to compensate any family member who would help us out.

I think I can find myself again after becoming a mom with all this. I’m just not sure how long it will take.