Gabby Writes

OK. It’s time to talk about the most recent steps I’ve been taking on my fertility journey.

The first thing my doctor wanted to try (and I am currently doing) is intrauterine insemination (IUI). I was told we would try it for three cycles, and if I don’t get pregnant, we’ll reevaluate and try something else.

The whole process starts a few days after getting my period. Naturally, I had to take some progesterone pills to force my body to have a period. For cycles one and two, my period only lasted two days. Cycle three was actually a regular length period. I go into the doctor’s office where they do an ultrasound and take some blood. This is so they can look at my follicles and uterine lining, and check out my hormone levels.

They prescribe me Letrozole and send me home. The Letrozole helps release hormones to assist with follicle growth and ovulation. I take those pills for five days. For cycles three, I had a higher dose. After the five days, I go in again for more bloodwork and an ultrasound.

The next few weeks involves me going in about twice a week for an ultrasound and bloodwork. They watch the growth of my follicles, see how thick my lining is, and check hormone levels. I get a call a couple hours after the appointments to tell m when to come in next.

Eventually, I get told I have to take my trigger injection. I’m prescribed a pre-prepared needle that I have to inject myself. This I was told forces ovulation. With my first two cycles, I was called on a Thursday, and told to take the injection on Saturday. Funnily enough, the first time I did it was at a friend’s house because another friend and I had already planned to go over there and spend the night weeks before. So, at least I had some emotional support for the first time. It’s not very hard to give yourself the injection. You just poke it into your stomach (after cleaning the area, of course) and push the pump down. I haven’t bled any of the times I’ve done it.

The next step is to come in and do the insemination. The first two times were on Mondays. My husband had to save up his sperm for 2-5 days. Apparently, it can’t be too old or too new (gotta be juuuuust right, Goldilocks style). We go into the office, and my husband goes off to a little room they reserve for that type of thing to provide his “sample.” He hands it off to the lab and then we’re told we’ll get a call in about 45 minutes to hour to come back and do the insemination. I don’t know what they do to the sperm during that hour or so, but it has to be something.

We went to breakfast and waited for the call. Coincidentally, my first insemination was when my mom got her final surgery. I got to talk to my day in the waiting room for a few minutes before I got the call. The hospital and my doctor are all in the same campus, so it only took a few moments to return. I just wished I could’ve stayed with my dad longer.

Getting inseminated doesn’t take long at all. They put the sperm on a little syringe with a catheter tube and just . . . Shove it all up me. I’m told to start taking progesterone suppositories, which is annoying as hell. The thing itself is roughly shaped like a tampon and an applicator is provided. I haven’t bled any to insert it right before I go to sleep, and I haven’t bled any to wear a pad because leakage happens. It’s honestly my least favorite part of the process.

Two weeks later, I go in for a blood pregnancy test. I’m told to not take an at-home urine test because the progesterone has the hCG hormone in it and would come up positive whether I’m pregnant or not.

Cycle one test came up negative. I wasn’t too upset because it rarely works the first time. Cycle two was also negative. I was more upset about that one. It was a week after my mom died, and I guess I had been secretly hoping I was pregnant with her grandchild while she was still alive. But I have to admit I was under a lot of stress during cycle two. My wedding was quickly approaching, so I was trying to get everything done and make sure I had enough money for it all. Then the health of both my Poppop and my mom declined, leading up to their deaths the week of my wedding. My husband and I were also in the beginning process of buying a new house. So, it kind of made sense that it was negative.

I finished cycle three last week. It all moved faster than the last two cycles. They called me on Thursday after my standard ultrasound/blood appointment. I was told insemination would happen the next day and that I had to take my trigger injection right after I ended the phone call. My husband started a new job a few weeks before and would be working during the appointment time. So, we had to pick up specimen cups and sign a waver so he could provide his specimen at home and I would bring it in.

I had to kill the hour between by myself this time. It was boring. I stopped at Wawa to get a smoothie and watched TikTok in my car until I got the call.

I went in and they had high hopes this time. They told me my husband’s sperm was Grade A with 11 million swimmers. Then I’m all up in the stirrups, the speculum is inserted, and the person doing the insemination said, “You’re cervix is ready.” First time I heard that, and I’m not entirely sure what it means, but it sounded like a good thing.

Now I have a little less than two weeks to get my pregnancy test. Because of what they said I’m more hopeful this time. Plus, during insemination I held this kokopelli magnet that has apparently helped many women in my husband’s family get pregnant — I’m taking all the help I can get, OK?

I have a Zoom appointment with my main doctor to discuss what we’ll do next if I’m not pregnant. It’s several days before the pregnancy test. It’s best to be prepared in the case of a negative result.

I’m definitely going to be more depressed this time if it’s negative. I’m tired of being let down and, frankly, doing different shit to get pregnant is going to be a pain. I mean, I’ll do it because this may end up being the only child I have, but it’s still going to be a bummer. I hate having all this hope and being continuously let down. I tried to stay hopeful before and my mom died. I just so badly need something good to happen for me.